The Patriots game was the first sign.  That was Bruce the Shark flashing his face over Sheriff Brody's shoulder as he shoveled chum into the murky ocean water.  The Giants loss was lowering Richard Dreyfuss into the ocean depths in his fancy shark cage.  Last Sunday?  That was Quint getting eaten.  Matt LaFleur and Co. better find a pressurized air tank and a rifle posthaste.  Not our finest showing, Packers fam.  We emerged from the Sunday's red tide bloody and bruised, limping into Week 7 with a 3-3 record, armed with a lot more questions than answers.  I sense your frustration.  I feel your pain.  It's time to slide into your snuggest wet suit, wade on in (the water's fine!) , and let's see if we can find four things to agree upon from this Giants game, and determine whether this Packers season has jumped the shark.

• Agreement #1--The throwback jerseys looked great!

I figure you have had enough negativity this week, so I thought I would start with a positive from Sunday.  The 1950's throwback jerseys are badass.  No.  Strike that.  Badass isn't strong enough.  Those things are super badass.  Like, Keith Richards wearing a "Who The F Is Mick Jagger?" shirt while smoking a cigarette level of badass.  Did you peep Jaire Alexander rocking his jersey with the yellow longsleeves?  <Insert chef's kiss gif>  It's a shame we dishonored such a beautiful uniform with such a flaccid performance.  Like throwing 20 inch Mickey Thompson's on a dump truck.  Or, snug fitting  LuLuLemon on John Goodman.  Either way, I love the throwbacks and hope the front office continues to trot them out.  10/10.  No notes.  And, that about does it for positive takeaways from the game.  For those of you who are squeamish around gore, it might be best for you to turn back now.  For the rest of you brave souls, flip on your cell phone flashlight to their brightest setting--it's about to get dark in here.

• Agreement #2--Matt LaFleur Doesn't Seem To Have The Answer

Did anybody catch Matt's post game press conference on Sunday afternoon?  He was asked what he can do to fix Green Bay's recent offensive woes.  His answer?  I don't know.  That's what he said.  I don't know.  I shit you not.  Like George Costanza's doctor inspecting his lip discoloration.  Good night, nurse.  Dude, Matty, I love you man, but holy moly.  Isn't that kind of your job?  Imagine a plumber showing up to your house as your basement tub was flooding, looking at the clog for sixty minutes, throwing his hands up, saying he has no idea how to repair the drain, and then asking if you had any ideas. 

This is truly uncharted territory.  The first three years of the Matt LaFleur Era have been smooth sailing.  The last three weeks?  More like The Perfect Storm.  And, this isn't as simple as shuffling a few offensive linemen around.  And, a splashy wide receiver trade isn't going to cure all ills, either.  Sure, go sign OBJ.  And, trade for DJ Moore while you are at it.  They will look awesome sprinting down the field in green and gold as Rodgers gets sacked for the sixth time.   Green Bay is not fighting a battle on a single heading.  No, sir.  They are fighting four simultaneous battles spread out across four disparate cities. 

First, and foremost, you must fix the offensive line.  Moving Elgton Jenkins back to left guard and Adam Stenavich back into the offensive line room full time would be a great start.  Then, getting in a time machine and traveling back to the spring to resign Dennis Kelly might be an idea.  That's not an option, you say.  Well, kudos to you for being levelheaded.  If the Kelly idea is out, I guess you could try Yosh Nijman at right tackle.  Or possibly Zach Tom.  No guarantee that either works out great, but it honestly can't get worse than what we saw against the New York Jets.  With Jenkins back at left guard, you are free to flip Jon Runyan Jr over to right guard, and then you can transition Royce Newman to the world's most overqualified paperweight.  Just a thought.

Okay, now your line is set (hopefully).  Time to address the receiver position.  Here in lies the problem.  Yes, you could probably pry DJ Moore away from Carolina, but is there any assurance that he is going to gel with Rodgers?  Not really.  And, you have to ask yourself--Is this team good enough to compete for a Super Bowl.  A month ago, the answer was an emphatic yes.  Now, things are a little murkier.  Outside of the Philadelphia Eagles and, ugh, the Minnesota Vikings, the NFC looks pretty wide open.  So, maybe you do splurge and bring in a shiny new wide receiver, and push even more chips that you don't have into the middle of the poker table.  Are we even sure that throwing the ball all over the field is the answer in this modern NFL landscape (more on that later!)? 

And, if you are one of those maniacs who took to the Bird App on Sunday to call for 2 Browz' job, you might want to take an afternoon off and go see a movie.  Or a therapist.  Or a movie about a therapist.  C'mon, Packers Fam.  Do better.  Be better.

LaFleur is in an awkward spot right now.  A spot where great-looking people rarely find themselves.  The scenario where God has to scratch his nose for a minute, and, in doing so, halts giving to you with both hands for the slightest instance.  As a bald and freckled forty-year-old, I am well-versed in how to handle a near-constant barrage of metaphysical punches to the groin.  It will be interesting to see how Matt withstands this first-of-it's-kind supernatural nut shot. 

• Agreement #3--Is Aaron Jones Still On The Team (That's more of a question, really)

Like it or not, the Two Shell Safety defense has changed how offenses attack defense.  It's the first time in my life that NFL offenses are chasing a defensive game change.  This is not apocryphal either.  Passing yards per game are down this year.  Deep accuracy is plummeting.  The dimensions of the field have changed.  It's time for offensive game plans to acquiesce to this new reality.  Sure, there are certain quarterbacks who are thriving in this new environment.  Brickhouse gunslingers who are mobile, and can take a licking and keep on ticking.  Josh Allen.  Jalen Hurts.  Patrick Mahomes.  Lamar Jackson.  Guys who are as big a threat running the ball as passing.  This new version of NFL football is No Country For Old Men.  This defensive trend appears to be the main culprit for the turtle-on-quaaludes slow start that Aaron Rodgers, Tom Brady, Matt Ryan, and Russell Wilson (to be fair, Wilson might just suck) are currently mired in.  The deep ball that these gentlemen have built their careers on is so 2021.  Running the ball is the new black. 

Which makes it even more vexing that Matt LaFleur continues to de-emphasize Aaron Jones, the Packer's best and most explosive offensive player.  Maybe Matt was so mum on offensive changes in his Monday afternoon presser because he didn't want to tip his hand to Washington on all the creative ways he plans not to use Jones this week.  All of this two high safety stuff that Green Bay has been facing recently chafes big time on Rodgers and LaFleur's preferred system.  Jones is the salve.  Want to force teams to change the way they attack you?  Change the way you attack them.  Seems simple.  Their complete ignorance of Jones lately is bordering on the sublime.  Like that scene from The Simpsons where Homer is joining the Witness Relocation Program and the FBI is helping create his new identity as Homer Thompson.  Aaron Jones is tapping LaFleur on the foot, and Matt is turning to Adam Stenavich and saying "I think he is talking to you".

Just look at the way New England attacked Green Bay three weeks ago.  Belichick may be getting old, but he hasn't lost a step.  Bringing extra offensive tackles in as auxiliary tight ends.  Featuring fullbacks.  Limiting the routes his young QB was throwing.  Adjusting to a more truncated route tree.  Football by way of the late 1980s.  This may be the future if this two safety stuff persists.  Don't take my word for it.  Aaron Rodgers spoke about this several times in one of the 374 podcast interviews he recorded in the pre-season.  It's just too bad he is not heeding his own advice.
 

• Agreement #4--McCarthyism Will Never Die

Does anybody remember 2018?  The tide pod challenge?  The annoying-ass yodeling Walmart kid?  The Yanny vs Laurel debate?  Simpler times.  Remember Aaron Rodgers turning heel on Mike McCarthy like Hulk Hogan at the 1996 Bash at the Beach?  2018 was the year when Aaron Rodgers finally said enough of this shit, and essentially did everything in his power to push Mike McCarthy out the door.  And, that probably took a lot of pushing because Mike McCarthy is a really big dude.   Long story short--LaFleur was hired 4 months later, Aaron and LaFleur had an awkward feeling out phase in 2019, followed by a romantic comedy-esque meet cute in 2020 over Zoom during the pandemic, and everything has been Kumbaya and roasted marshmallows since.  About that.

By now, you have heard the word "simplify" so much this week that you are ready to call Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith and have them hit you with the neuralyzer (Will Smith and hit in the same sentence--Freudian slip!).  The phrase "simplify" has been parsed to death over the last 48 hours.  Good news!  I am here to simplify "simplify" for you.  When Rodgers says simplify, he means pivoting harder to the West Coast offense.  You know, Mike McCarthy's offense.  Everybody wants to point to Aaron's distaste for motion.  Sure.  He has mentioned that a few times.  Motion is a huge part of LaFleur's scheme.    Rodgers feels that motion interrupts any rhythm the offense could potentially find (though finding a rhythm with this offensive line is going to be like Navin Johnson finding rhythm in The Jerk--ie, a miracle). 

Rodgers has often ruminated about the beauty and simplicity of the West Coast offense.  He is not exactly wrong.  Bill Walsh, the guy who takes credit for inventing the West Coast offense (that's a long story) pointed to the simplicity of the scheme as his primary reason for adopting it.  Walsh alleged that he could teach his team the scheme in 2 days.  Pretty convincing.  More convincing--The fact that Mike Holmgren taught the scheme to Brett Favre (Brett is no stranger to schemes though, amiright?).  This Frankensteined together offense that Green Bay has been running the past two years is essentially 66% LaFleur, 33% West Coast.  My guess is Rodgers would like to tip those scales a little closer to 50/50.

Having Aaron Rodgers resort back to his comfort blanket of the McCarthy offense is baffling.  The offense stagnated greatly during McCarthy's last two years.  Returning to a bastardized version of Big Mike's West Coast playbook is like one of those gals that Ariel Castro had in his basement getting set free, returning home, taking a nice warm shower, and then heading back to Castro's to watch a movie.  It's illogical.  If Green Bay is going to pull itself out of this tailspin it finds itself currently experiencing, it is not by pivoting to failed systems from the past.  It would behoove the Packers to more fully embrace LaFleur's original system, Rodgers feelings be damned.  Aaron might not like that.  But, as Don Draper once famously said, "that's what the money is for".

• Catching Strays

Fox replacing Buck and Aikman with Kevin Burkhardt and Greg Olsen is like trying to replace Davante Adams and Marques Valdez Scantling with Sammie Watkins and Christian Watson.

Did Aaron Rodgers get his postgame jacket (shawl?) from Qui Gon Jinn's garage sale?

Why do you think Fox had Erin Andrews (or was that Nanook of the North?) interview Aaron Rodgers and chose to have Tom Rinaldi interview Zach Wilson on Sunday's pre-game show?  Inquiring minds want to know. 

Paying De'Vondre Campbell $7 million dollars for his efforts this season is like paying a hooker $1000 dollars to read a manuscript of how your wife's day at work went.

Quay Walker got a 6 on the Wonderlic test.  I had my daughter take the Wonderlic last week.  She got a 10.  She is eight years old. 

We don't need Newman.  We need a New-man.  Ugh.  I will see myself out. 

GO PACK GO!!!